Much congratulations to all four of you!! The Turkish impulse would be to pin some “nazar” beads to their clothing, meant to protect them from the evil eye (aka jealous outsiders coveting their wonderfulnes and casting spite in their direction) while muttering “nazar değmesin”. (The Middle East is always pragmatic though, as a gold coin of various sizes are also attached to those baby gifts of nazar beads — expensive sleep gadgets the babies will reject don’t pay for themselves). This being digital, I’ll just go with the emojis! 🧿🧿
At first I thought this was some of your fiction, and among the best. As journalism, it is off the chart.
If you still have a channel open to Substack, please tell them to improve their iPad app. Most apps allow me to zoom in for small graphics or tiny print, but not Substack. I could change the global settings just to make their app more useable (make all print bigger everywhere), at the cost of making many other apps less usable. I’d rather declare it to be their problem.
My family believes that one of my cousins ended up with a slightly-squared skull in the back because he slept in his carseat so much as an infant, while his skull was relatively more malleable. I've got no idea if there's a shred of truth to it but it's a great reason to call someone a blockhead one day
Best wishes and blessings to all four of you! Please feel free to skip the answers if the following questions are too personal, but in case you’re open to sharing: 1) Have you thought about using the services of one of these polygenic embryo selection companies? 2) When deciding whether to have a child or not, have you used any elaborate decision matrix or an algorithm, especially one that might be useful to others? 3) Have you been developing/following any extensive and up-to-date guidelines on biodeterministic parenting (both prenatal and postnatal) to maximize the chances for the best outcomes across a wide range of domains (health, wellbeing, cognition, morality)? If so, have you considered sharing these with public, so (semi-)clueless parents could followed them, and this could become a high-impact intervention when scaling?
Congratulations and I wish you lot's of happiness!
Now, I guess everyone around you has a strong opinions on how to take care of kids and you might be getting fed-up by that already. Still, let me share some less-known tips for you and of course feel free to discard and throw away as you see fit ;-)
1. Co-sleeping
One thing that helped a ton with our little ones was sharing bed. We read about that before we had our first one and considered that crazy and scary and then after first two weeks of pretty much no sleep we just gave it a try.
Despite lots official advice claiming this is not safe, when we googled research on this topic, it was rather pointing in the direction of reducing a risk of SIDS (but it wasn't conclusive). The thing is that breastfeeding apparently reduces chances of SIDS.
Whenever you'd decide to give it a try it's important to follow safety precautions:
– No sheets and pillows anywhere near the baby. Pretty much all deaths from bedsharing are when the kid gets accidentally covered by sheets! It's never the mother smothering the baby by her body.
– No alcohol, and drugs.
– No smokers allowed in the bed.
– No pets. And I am afraid no twins either. At least not at the same time.
The big benefit is that this helps a ton with breastfeeding as it seems that the breast needs (at least in the beginning) a lots of constant stimulation to produce desired quantities of milk.
2. Keep the amount of time spent in the car seat limited. The official guidelines say something about 2h. The issue is that apparently prolonged time in car seat is not healthy for the spine.
3. Baby carriers.
Good baby carriers are great. Such as this brand (https://www.rischino.sk/ergonomicke-nosice/). It will give you lots of flexibility on the move as it's more practical than stroller.
However, beware of unhealthy (kangaroo style) carriers. They are not healthy for baby spine. The rule is the baby must face inwards, face on your chest.
4. Sleeping bags.
This one is more relevant once your children reach age of couple of months, but still great stuff. You can use it instead of blanket.
This was even more cute than your wedding announcement. Have you considered a secondary career as a family event announcement writer? Hallmark could do with some more disrupting...I'd buy Rational Greeting Cards.
As the memetic approval mantra of my workplace goes, "yes, very good, excellent, 4th and down, excelsior".
Congratulations Scott and your wonderfully made family, marvellous are your works! Very cute kids and dare I say they look just like Dad? Respect due to all parents, and we're blessed you keep writing this great blog... a very happy Hanukkah / Christmas / holiday to all
Recommending having your wifes iron levels checked. This is missed sometimes in the after care. I was shocked at the difference in my ability to handle the worse sleeping habits of my second born and I credit better iron reserves.
Also, it gets worse before it gets better. Sorry, but it helped me (and my friends) to understand this and so avoid the despairing thought that the struggle is never ending. You will get a good night sleep again. And if you are up for reading- Precious Little Sleep gives great advice and has a fabulous Facebook support group and highlights different approaches instead of insisting on the one method you must use.
And now your life will change, mostly for the better! Congratulations.
Curious how 'onanism' has become fancy word for masturbation when what he is reputed to have done would have been coitus interruptus. If I weren't firmly on the side of Israel, I would make a bad taste joke about how Jews will pull out of everything except Gaza, but I shan't....oh! Nor the obvious follow-on line.
Congratulations! I recently became a father too (late September). Laughed out loud at the pronatalist conspiracy to lie to women about pregnancy, my girlfriend was on sick-leave for a large chunk of the pregnancy. Though I think the anti-natalist lies I’ve seen has been more severe (that stuff has gotten really popular on parts of reddit).
Mazal tov! I'm sure you did the Gimatria, but for the rest of the crowd:
Kai (קאי) is 111. As a number composed of all ones, it is already indicative of divinity, and has the same Gimatria value as אחד הוא אלוהים (God is one), אחד הגדולים (one of the greats), and אייפוד (iPod) - all links to God and divine works. Of course, it is also equal in value to אדון כל (Lord of all), which might be a bit too on the nose. In the more earthly domain, it is equal in value to אבן חן (precious stone/gem), which I'm sure he'll turn into once he passes the crumpled-look phase.
Lyra (לירה) is 255, a number of only slightly lower symmetry than Kai, possibly driving the overachiving impulse. It has the same value as אוטודידקציה (autodidaction), which will make the overachieving easier to handle. There are divine connections here as well, of a different nature: 255 is the Gimatria value of אלוהים הוא המצאה (God is an invention) and אלוהים לא טוב ליהודים (God is not good for the Jews). While the anti-theist interpretation is obvious, a more likely explanation is the natural friendly competition between siblings, and an attempt to semantically oppose Kai's name. Her name is also equal בסוף הזמן (at the end of time), which hopefully means reaching longevity terminal velocity. Finally, 255 has the same Gimatria value as אדם קדמון (Adam Kadmon). The kabbalistic implications of this are obvious.
Those are actually pretty great names. Please tell me you pulled them from your reject list and didn't come up with good names like that just on the fly.
On the story of Onan: from a modern perspective it seems clear that his sin was neither sperm-wastefulness nor material greed, but rape by deception: obtaining consent for sex under false premises. He had every right to refuse the arrangement, but he should have done it before the sex.
A modern version of the story would be: lesbian couple wants to have a child so they ask a male friend to be the sperm donor. They agree to skip the fertility clinic and do it the old-fashioned way, despite the fact that the intended mother doesn't expect to get any enjoyment out of it. Guy agrees, does his thing but pulls out at the last moment, says "thanks for the nookie" and walks out. I don't think "wasted sperm" is the problem which a modern audience would have with this story..
"I cannot quite remember why I thought this would be a good idea. I blame the pronatalist influencer conspiracy."
No! they got another one of us.
Seriously though, congratulations. Quite a few people I follow in the EA/rationalist sphere that used to lean fairly antinatalist have been having kids lately. I lean antinatalist, but it does seem like a view that's easy to hold in your 20s and then usually gets dropped when it actually comes to making major life decisions. I'm starting to worry that in the next 5-10 years I'm going to be mind controlled by some instinct to reproduce or something.
Mazel Tov Scott! This is such nice news to wake up to. I look forward to reading about your experience with the joys and frustrations of parenthood. It's a whirlwind.
TIL that Scott Alexander is a couple of years younger than I am. I've always looked and felt somewhat younger than my chronological age - I could probably have played a teenager on TV (https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DawsonCasting) until my late 30s - so feeling old is a new and unusual experience for me. It's kind of upsetting, actually. :/
At what age do people usually stop automatically assuming that all the people more impressive and/or accomplished than themselves are also older, too? I ended up living with my parents and servimg as a caregiver for elderly and/or sick relatives instead of entering the formal workforce after college, and even though I'm married now I still rely on them for money. Without the steady progression of grades and nobody I would regularly socialize with in person except my parents, it almost felt like time stopped when I was in my mid-20s. I often can't even remember my own age any more without calculating it from my birthday!
Wow, that's the best birth share I've ever read! Congratulations to you both and get ready for the ride of your lives.
Looking forward to updates on first poops from the cognitive engines bottoms!
Oh, don't forget to read Stanislav Grof to them so they can give you a full account of their birth experience once they acquire the necessary linguistic skills. I suspect Kai will just say it was fine..!
I don't want to diminish your joy, but I'm gonna. You and your wife now have complete power over two extremely vulnerable people, only vaguely checked by law. You're humans with human flaws, you're exhausted, you're faced with endless annoying demands, so you will sometimes do the wrong thing. Be vigilant.
It's so easy to expect your kids to match some idea of your kids and punish them whenever they deviate from it — to hurt them, sometimes severely and permanently, all the while swearing up and down that it's for their own good — to become sadistic because nothing stops you — to repeatedly destroy any trust and then be shocked when they keep secrets from you — to carelessly neglect and humiliate them and not even notice. It's not a tiny minority of cackling evil parents, it's… well, statistics are all over the place, but it's >10%.
I don't know any specific way to avoid that, but I suppose that trying really hard not to do those things must help. So please try really hard not to do those things.
Has something changed? Has Scott suddenly acquired an ability to understand active inference, in a way that I totally missed? Is there anywhere I can read an explanation that isn't crazy?
Welcome to twin club, Scott! I’m “halfway” through (mine are 9 years old). My sense is that there are economies of scale once they reach about 3 years old. You’ll forget how hard the first 3 years are, so twins are basically all upside, at least in a retrospective sense. Enjoy!
Congratulations, Scott! Parenthood is one of the most beautiful, terrifying, rewarding, exhausting, elevating, humbling experiences you and your wife will ever have. Mazel Tov! Once you both recover, please have some more - I’m all for smart people breeding!
Congratulations. Just remember to sleep when the kids do during the first few weeks and if anyone offers to help, it’s food, washing clothes, and cleaning you want them to do. Good luck and welcome to the club.
This is wonderful news, and I'm so excited for you.
A small note, and a gesture of gratitude for all the wonderful advice you've given me over the years: last I read, it's not recommended to kiss your baby directly in the first 6 months unless you're very certain you've never been exposed to oral HSV, lest you expose them in a way that lets it run roughshod over their undeveloped immune system.
Having more fulfilled the traditional obligation to offer every new parent at least one piece of worrisome unsolicited advice, I'll retreat back into obscurity.
Even if we assume genetic determinism, is the standard deviation of the traits of the children of one couple the same as the standard deviation of Americans?
My wife is due with our first in 5 weeks. (She’s also still doing consults at the hospital as a resident and working out at the gym, but twin pregnancies are no doubt harder). Can you share some of your top boy names? We are considering: Adam, Eli, Gabriel, and Joshua.
Congratu-freaking-lations! We have a beloved surprisal-minimization agent of our own, also delivered by vacuum assist almost 2 years ago now. It was probably the most horrifying thing I witnessed in an absolutely god awful horror show called labor and delivery (There was a fist sized mushroom on his head! Formed from his own skull! Apparently pretty normal and it went away in due course).
Anyway good luck, sleep when the babies sleep, and remember this one piece of advice, passed on to me by a new dad as it was passed onto him and others before him:
Onesies are designed to be bi-directional, you can pull them on top-down/over the head or bottom-up. Remember this once your beautiful baby inevitably has a massive blowout, take the clothes off from the bottom, and that way you can avoid smearing shit all over their lovely face.
Wow! Congratulations! What a joyful event, and true to form you turned it into a brilliant and moving essay. For whatever it’s worth I think you’re lucky having twins…yeah it’s rough in the first year or two but then they will always have a playmate and you will benefit from parenting economies of scale.
And it’s all worth it even if they don’t save the world…
Mazel Tov! My wife and I had our first child, a wonderful baby girl, this fall.
Being a parent is quite the thing. Earth-shattering and common, beautiful and grueling. All I know is, after lots of generations of programming, nothing makes us happier than seeing our baby girl smile at us.
As the biological father of 5, born between 1995 and 2020, I have only one word of advice for parenting the early years: babies change suddenly and without warning, and so parents must too. Baby will be perfectly happy with something, until one day they aren't. They will nap every day at a certain time, until they don't. They will be mesmerized by their favorite lullaby, until they hate it. They will want to eat only yogurt, until one day they toss it on the floor. The temptation is always to persist with what was working so well, but just don't. It seems obvious, but in the tired sleepless moment the immediate impulse is keep trying the old ways, and it is simply a waste of precious time. Baby has moved on and the best thing for all parties is for the parents to move on as well.
“ I cannot quite remember why I thought this would be a good idea. I blame the pronatalist influencer conspiracy.” Pretty much Dan Gilbert’s argument in _Stumbling On Happiness_. Evolution builds in self-deception about the joys of parenting and then we lie to each other about it. Helps preserve the species. May you require less self-deception than the average parent!
Mazel tov! Wonderful post. Most useful reference book to have around is Baby 411. Best book I’ve read as a (theist) Dad is To Kindle a Soul by Kelemen.
Congratulations, both on the kids and (much much less importantly) on another fine piece of writing. May they grow up to be everything you could have hoped for, and things you never dreamed of.
Most heartfelt congratulations!! I promise: you will sleep again someday.
"I’ll let them get doxxed the usual way - by the NYT the first time they express a problematic opinion." Truly one of your best laugh out loud lines ever!
Congrats! I can't believe I'm about to give parenting advice, but, man, fuck it. For the first couple of years, they change every couple of weeks and they only will change when you and your wife reach a moment in which you think "I cannot tolerate this for even one more day." When that thought enters your minds, the kids will suddenly change. Like magic. And you'll find their new routine/behaviors totally tolerable again...until you don't. Rinse/repeat. Last thing: Never, EVER underestimate the power of the "outdoor reset" ...it's likewise a bit of magic for calming a fussy, frantic baby. It has reminded me over and over again of how animal we are, how much we need to see the sky. You won't believe it works until you try it. Magic. All of it is fleshy, animal, non-cerebral, real-deal magic. I'm so happy for you both!
Congratulations!! They are perfect and I was moved to happy tears by this wonderful piece. We have a baby and preschooler, and have truly learned from them what it means when people say "the light of my life".
I'm really excited for your mind to turn (as it undoubtedly will) to some infant/child development thoughts over the coming years, and what interesting insights those thoughts might yield!
May I recommend "The Wonder Weeks" if dozens of people haven't already. As I understand (from a brief search), the science behind this theory is considered flawed, and yet with both our children we have found the book and developmental timeline near-miraculous at explaining their sudden switches from fussiness to happy exploring. Would love your take on this theory especially as you see it play out!
And I can't believe more people aren't congratulating you on having your OWN TWIN STUDY SUBJECTS! Congratulations, twice, and may you make many interesting observations!
Congratulations! December 13 is truly the best day to be born--I know from personal experience. And, from one new father to another: good luck and godspeed.
Shocked you guys didn't do PGT-P. My wife and I are doing it right now, out of pocket as we have no IVF indication, but we are in our 30's and the dual benefit of banking embryos is nice for reducing time pressure.
Congrats! You always gotta watch out for the pro-natalist conspiracies trying to get you to hold cups of semen. Did you use any form of embryo selection? What kind?
From the bottom of my heart, congratulations to you and your wife. Holding my son in my arms was the most transformative experience of my life. May the tug of responsibility you feel for them pull you and your wife to the best places.
Congratulations! May your suprisal reduction engines bring you high valence due to suprisal reduction, and be happy and joyful.
And Onan also mad his way into modern Hebrew, where masturbation is called אוננות- “to do like Onan” (like onanism, except it isn’t fancy, just the normal word for it).
Second, as a grandmother of a two-month-old, I cried.
Third, my totally unsolicited advice is it that helps enormously to have a grandmother -- or similar -- around. That's not bragging, my daughter and her husband would tell you the same. If you can split the work three ways, even if not evenly, it makes a world of difference.
Your kids are three days younger than mine. Have they started doing the thing where they sound like asthmatic wood pigeons yet? I'm currently in the position where every medical professional is telling me, "That's fine, it's perfectly normal," and ten thousand years of evolution is screaming, "NOT TRUE YOUR BABY IS DYING OVER THERE" and it's a bit of a headfuck.
How will you decide which one you will raise religiously Jewish, and which one will be raised an EA non-believer? Hopefully, both will have a love of poetry.
Congratulations!
Twins are hard mode. Be willing to accept help!
- After 2-6 months, you will feel why the pronatalist conspiracy works.
Great writeup, and congrats from a two-time father. (Though not simultaneously, woof.) You'll have moments of aggravation, frustration, despair, even rage -- but I'll betcha you never regret this for a second.
This is the best thing I have ever read. You've captured so much of the experience to parenthood in such eloquent prose. Congratulations on your beautiful babies!
This was a classic Scott piece which merged a cerebral analysis of a common life situation through data to a very moving conclusion. I'll join the others in saying congratulations! How far your life has come since I started reading you almost a decade ago.
Congratulations! May you bring your children joy and may they bring you the same.
Congratulations.
Mazal Tov!
Congratulations!
Congratulations!
Congratulations!
Congratulations!
They're actually surprisal-externalization agents. Congratulations.
Much congratulations to all four of you!! The Turkish impulse would be to pin some “nazar” beads to their clothing, meant to protect them from the evil eye (aka jealous outsiders coveting their wonderfulnes and casting spite in their direction) while muttering “nazar değmesin”. (The Middle East is always pragmatic though, as a gold coin of various sizes are also attached to those baby gifts of nazar beads — expensive sleep gadgets the babies will reject don’t pay for themselves). This being digital, I’ll just go with the emojis! 🧿🧿
Congratulations! The car seat thing 100% was my first son, I spent many late nights carrying him up and down the hallway in that stupid seat.
Congrats!
Congratulations. It does get easier. May your children surprise you even more.
Mazel tov!
At first I thought this was some of your fiction, and among the best. As journalism, it is off the chart.
If you still have a channel open to Substack, please tell them to improve their iPad app. Most apps allow me to zoom in for small graphics or tiny print, but not Substack. I could change the global settings just to make their app more useable (make all print bigger everywhere), at the cost of making many other apps less usable. I’d rather declare it to be their problem.
How wonderful - every blessing to you all
Awesome ! Congrats
Congratulations! Happy families!
Hey, you've reproduced. Nice work.
Aww. Congratulations!
Congratulations! Very touching, very funny, you will be a great father.
Mazal Tov!
מזל טוב and Siman tov! Herzliche Glückwünsche!
My dearest wish fulfilled. Twice.
The four of you made my Xmas-day.
And the bells are ringing out for Lyra/Kai!
Congratulations!
My family believes that one of my cousins ended up with a slightly-squared skull in the back because he slept in his carseat so much as an infant, while his skull was relatively more malleable. I've got no idea if there's a shred of truth to it but it's a great reason to call someone a blockhead one day
Best wishes and blessings to all four of you! Please feel free to skip the answers if the following questions are too personal, but in case you’re open to sharing: 1) Have you thought about using the services of one of these polygenic embryo selection companies? 2) When deciding whether to have a child or not, have you used any elaborate decision matrix or an algorithm, especially one that might be useful to others? 3) Have you been developing/following any extensive and up-to-date guidelines on biodeterministic parenting (both prenatal and postnatal) to maximize the chances for the best outcomes across a wide range of domains (health, wellbeing, cognition, morality)? If so, have you considered sharing these with public, so (semi-)clueless parents could followed them, and this could become a high-impact intervention when scaling?
Congratulations!
Bringing out your writing A game for the important stuff
Congratulations! (Others have said it, but I'll say it too)
beautiful writing. congratulations!
All the best to the four of you!
Congratulations!
Tangentially, Section III gave me the same vibes as the start of Greg Egan's novel Diaspora, detailing the birth of the orphan Yatima.
How nice that my first ever ACX/SSC post is to say congratulations. I reckon you'll do well at the dad thing :-)
Congratulations to all of you!! I hope you all get some sleep eventually. I guess perhaps the younger two are getting enough for the four of you.
Many congratulations. Magnificent writing. At first I thought it was fiction as well, but it's lovelier for being all true.
Congratulations and I wish you lot's of happiness!
Now, I guess everyone around you has a strong opinions on how to take care of kids and you might be getting fed-up by that already. Still, let me share some less-known tips for you and of course feel free to discard and throw away as you see fit ;-)
1. Co-sleeping
One thing that helped a ton with our little ones was sharing bed. We read about that before we had our first one and considered that crazy and scary and then after first two weeks of pretty much no sleep we just gave it a try.
Despite lots official advice claiming this is not safe, when we googled research on this topic, it was rather pointing in the direction of reducing a risk of SIDS (but it wasn't conclusive). The thing is that breastfeeding apparently reduces chances of SIDS.
Whenever you'd decide to give it a try it's important to follow safety precautions:
– No sheets and pillows anywhere near the baby. Pretty much all deaths from bedsharing are when the kid gets accidentally covered by sheets! It's never the mother smothering the baby by her body.
– No alcohol, and drugs.
– No smokers allowed in the bed.
– No pets. And I am afraid no twins either. At least not at the same time.
The big benefit is that this helps a ton with breastfeeding as it seems that the breast needs (at least in the beginning) a lots of constant stimulation to produce desired quantities of milk.
Some safety guide on bed-sharing for reference here: https://www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/co-sleeping/
2. Keep the amount of time spent in the car seat limited. The official guidelines say something about 2h. The issue is that apparently prolonged time in car seat is not healthy for the spine.
3. Baby carriers.
Good baby carriers are great. Such as this brand (https://www.rischino.sk/ergonomicke-nosice/). It will give you lots of flexibility on the move as it's more practical than stroller.
However, beware of unhealthy (kangaroo style) carriers. They are not healthy for baby spine. The rule is the baby must face inwards, face on your chest.
4. Sleeping bags.
This one is more relevant once your children reach age of couple of months, but still great stuff. You can use it instead of blanket.
https://www.vakynaspanie.sk
This was even more cute than your wedding announcement. Have you considered a secondary career as a family event announcement writer? Hallmark could do with some more disrupting...I'd buy Rational Greeting Cards.
As the memetic approval mantra of my workplace goes, "yes, very good, excellent, 4th and down, excelsior".
Congratulations <3
Congratulations, and may every force in the universe be with you!
Congratulations Scott and your wonderfully made family, marvellous are your works! Very cute kids and dare I say they look just like Dad? Respect due to all parents, and we're blessed you keep writing this great blog... a very happy Hanukkah / Christmas / holiday to all
> the engines started to worry it will might take hours
Typo, "will" shouldn't be there.
Congratulations!
How wonderful!
Mazal Tov!
Recommending having your wifes iron levels checked. This is missed sometimes in the after care. I was shocked at the difference in my ability to handle the worse sleeping habits of my second born and I credit better iron reserves.
Also, it gets worse before it gets better. Sorry, but it helped me (and my friends) to understand this and so avoid the despairing thought that the struggle is never ending. You will get a good night sleep again. And if you are up for reading- Precious Little Sleep gives great advice and has a fabulous Facebook support group and highlights different approaches instead of insisting on the one method you must use.
Congrats!
And now your life will change, mostly for the better! Congratulations.
Curious how 'onanism' has become fancy word for masturbation when what he is reputed to have done would have been coitus interruptus. If I weren't firmly on the side of Israel, I would make a bad taste joke about how Jews will pull out of everything except Gaza, but I shan't....oh! Nor the obvious follow-on line.
Congratulations!
Congratulations!
Congratulations!!
Congratulations! The world is a better place for having more of your family in it.
I thought this was a pregnancy announcement at first. Even more exciting that they've already been born!
Congratulations, I got tears reading it and thinking of my own little adventurer who just turned 14 months old.
Make sure to get the help you need to not implode from baby care.
What a lovely announcement, and a very hearty congratulations to you two!
Congratulations!
... 2042, huh?
מזל טוב
Congratulations! As a father of twins: It will get better and the sleepless nights will simply fall out of memory. Enjoy the firsts to come!
This is one of the tenderest, funniest, cleverest welcomes to progeny I've read. (Another beautie is Rivka Galchen's "Little Labours".)
Congratulations! I recently became a father too (late September). Laughed out loud at the pronatalist conspiracy to lie to women about pregnancy, my girlfriend was on sick-leave for a large chunk of the pregnancy. Though I think the anti-natalist lies I’ve seen has been more severe (that stuff has gotten really popular on parts of reddit).
CONGRATS MATE THAT'S BLOOD INCREDIBLE!!!
Mazal tov! I'm sure you did the Gimatria, but for the rest of the crowd:
Kai (קאי) is 111. As a number composed of all ones, it is already indicative of divinity, and has the same Gimatria value as אחד הוא אלוהים (God is one), אחד הגדולים (one of the greats), and אייפוד (iPod) - all links to God and divine works. Of course, it is also equal in value to אדון כל (Lord of all), which might be a bit too on the nose. In the more earthly domain, it is equal in value to אבן חן (precious stone/gem), which I'm sure he'll turn into once he passes the crumpled-look phase.
Lyra (לירה) is 255, a number of only slightly lower symmetry than Kai, possibly driving the overachiving impulse. It has the same value as אוטודידקציה (autodidaction), which will make the overachieving easier to handle. There are divine connections here as well, of a different nature: 255 is the Gimatria value of אלוהים הוא המצאה (God is an invention) and אלוהים לא טוב ליהודים (God is not good for the Jews). While the anti-theist interpretation is obvious, a more likely explanation is the natural friendly competition between siblings, and an attempt to semantically oppose Kai's name. Her name is also equal בסוף הזמן (at the end of time), which hopefully means reaching longevity terminal velocity. Finally, 255 has the same Gimatria value as אדם קדמון (Adam Kadmon). The kabbalistic implications of this are obvious.
Congratulations!
Those are actually pretty great names. Please tell me you pulled them from your reject list and didn't come up with good names like that just on the fly.
Anyway, congrats.
Congratulations Scott and family!
On the story of Onan: from a modern perspective it seems clear that his sin was neither sperm-wastefulness nor material greed, but rape by deception: obtaining consent for sex under false premises. He had every right to refuse the arrangement, but he should have done it before the sex.
A modern version of the story would be: lesbian couple wants to have a child so they ask a male friend to be the sperm donor. They agree to skip the fertility clinic and do it the old-fashioned way, despite the fact that the intended mother doesn't expect to get any enjoyment out of it. Guy agrees, does his thing but pulls out at the last moment, says "thanks for the nookie" and walks out. I don't think "wasted sperm" is the problem which a modern audience would have with this story..
Beautiful essay—congratulations. You’ll be an incredible dad.
Mazal Tov!
Congrats!
Congratulations! Your post made me weep like a child
"I cannot quite remember why I thought this would be a good idea. I blame the pronatalist influencer conspiracy."
No! they got another one of us.
Seriously though, congratulations. Quite a few people I follow in the EA/rationalist sphere that used to lean fairly antinatalist have been having kids lately. I lean antinatalist, but it does seem like a view that's easy to hold in your 20s and then usually gets dropped when it actually comes to making major life decisions. I'm starting to worry that in the next 5-10 years I'm going to be mind controlled by some instinct to reproduce or something.
I enjoyed this post so much. It’s beautiful. Thank you (and your family) so much. Blessed Be. Mazel Tov. L’Chaim.
Congratulations!
Mazel Tov Scott! This is such nice news to wake up to. I look forward to reading about your experience with the joys and frustrations of parenthood. It's a whirlwind.
Congratulations!
Congrats!
Congrats!!!
TIL that Scott Alexander is a couple of years younger than I am. I've always looked and felt somewhat younger than my chronological age - I could probably have played a teenager on TV (https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DawsonCasting) until my late 30s - so feeling old is a new and unusual experience for me. It's kind of upsetting, actually. :/
At what age do people usually stop automatically assuming that all the people more impressive and/or accomplished than themselves are also older, too? I ended up living with my parents and servimg as a caregiver for elderly and/or sick relatives instead of entering the formal workforce after college, and even though I'm married now I still rely on them for money. Without the steady progression of grades and nobody I would regularly socialize with in person except my parents, it almost felt like time stopped when I was in my mid-20s. I often can't even remember my own age any more without calculating it from my birthday!
What a beautiful work of writing, Scott.
You did good, Scott.
No, really. You did.
And are doing.
And (because I just know things) will do.
Congratulations!! Makes me really happy to hear this.
Wow, that's the best birth share I've ever read! Congratulations to you both and get ready for the ride of your lives.
Looking forward to updates on first poops from the cognitive engines bottoms!
Oh, don't forget to read Stanislav Grof to them so they can give you a full account of their birth experience once they acquire the necessary linguistic skills. I suspect Kai will just say it was fine..!
Yay!
Congrats x2!
Congratulations! I hope you've been practicing your dad jokes.
>things so good it’s not even clear you would still call them writing and not some entirely new semi-divine form of art.
Some kids can write their name in the snow; this kid can write Les Miserables.
>So that’s why I decided to name my children Napoleon Herschel Siskind and Hatshepsut Tzeitel Siskind.
Welcome, "Nappy" and "Hats"!
You have the once in a lifetime opportunity to do some ethically ambiguous twin studies.
Congratulations, Scott
Mazal Tov!
I don't want to diminish your joy, but I'm gonna. You and your wife now have complete power over two extremely vulnerable people, only vaguely checked by law. You're humans with human flaws, you're exhausted, you're faced with endless annoying demands, so you will sometimes do the wrong thing. Be vigilant.
It's so easy to expect your kids to match some idea of your kids and punish them whenever they deviate from it — to hurt them, sometimes severely and permanently, all the while swearing up and down that it's for their own good — to become sadistic because nothing stops you — to repeatedly destroy any trust and then be shocked when they keep secrets from you — to carelessly neglect and humiliate them and not even notice. It's not a tiny minority of cackling evil parents, it's… well, statistics are all over the place, but it's >10%.
I don't know any specific way to avoid that, but I suppose that trying really hard not to do those things must help. So please try really hard not to do those things.
Congrats! Our daughter slept in a bascinet just fine all night. Now our 4 month old son will only fall asleep if he's being held.
Once they get older, sleep training is soo helpful. We will be starting that in a couple months with our son.
Congratulations! 🥳🥳
I can't wait for us to all get ban-warned due to low-information 'congratulations' posts, but...
Congratulations!
Great post.
On onan : https://youtu.be/gPvz6B0hBRs?feature=shared
Safe For Work (unless you're in Israel or a Beis Medrash)
This post mentions active inference as a sort of fundamental thing about the world we live in. But Scott's previous posts on the matter (https://slatestarcodex.com/2018/03/04/god-help-us-lets-try-to-understand-friston-on-free-energy/, https://slatestarcodex.com/2019/03/20/translating-predictive-coding-into-perceptual-control/) sound like it's just a really confusing theory - like it purports to be a fundamental explanation for a lot of stuff, but no one really understands it, so it fails to dispel any confusion.
Has something changed? Has Scott suddenly acquired an ability to understand active inference, in a way that I totally missed? Is there anywhere I can read an explanation that isn't crazy?
(And congratulations, obviously.)
Congratulations Scott :)
Congratulations Scott! What a blessing. In a divided world, we can at least agree on
one thing - that this post is evidence you secretly agree with Brian Caplan, somehow.
Congratulations
Welcome to twin club, Scott! I’m “halfway” through (mine are 9 years old). My sense is that there are economies of scale once they reach about 3 years old. You’ll forget how hard the first 3 years are, so twins are basically all upside, at least in a retrospective sense. Enjoy!
Muchas felicidades!!!
Congratulations, Scott! Parenthood is one of the most beautiful, terrifying, rewarding, exhausting, elevating, humbling experiences you and your wife will ever have. Mazel Tov! Once you both recover, please have some more - I’m all for smart people breeding!
Congratulations. Just remember to sleep when the kids do during the first few weeks and if anyone offers to help, it’s food, washing clothes, and cleaning you want them to do. Good luck and welcome to the club.
Félicitations ! Bénédictions des fêtes, et merci pour toutes les pistes en mie de pain
Congratulations Scott!
I love babies so much I'm stupidly smiling at your happy, beautiful family photo. Congratulations!
Mazal tov!!!
Reading this as a new dad. This is beautiful. Thank you.
Mazel tov!
This if both hilarious, heart warming, and the single most Scott Alexander thing that has ever been Scott Alexander'd. Congratulations
This is wonderful news, and I'm so excited for you.
A small note, and a gesture of gratitude for all the wonderful advice you've given me over the years: last I read, it's not recommended to kiss your baby directly in the first 6 months unless you're very certain you've never been exposed to oral HSV, lest you expose them in a way that lets it run roughshod over their undeveloped immune system.
Having more fulfilled the traditional obligation to offer every new parent at least one piece of worrisome unsolicited advice, I'll retreat back into obscurity.
Mazel Tov! Don't worry, in about 18 years they'll leave home and you'll get your life back.
I know it's superfluous, but congratulations!
Congratulations! There's gotta be an esoteric joke hidden in 'Kai and Lyra' but if so I sure haven't found it.
This post is the best thing you've ever done -- second only to the little ones, of course. Mazal tov from another proud new dad!
Congratulations! I assume that the actual names of Lyra and Kai are Emily and Control? https://gwern.net/doc/fiction/2011-yvain-thestoryofemilyandcontrol.html
Even if we assume genetic determinism, is the standard deviation of the traits of the children of one couple the same as the standard deviation of Americans?
Congratulations to both of you, and welcome to this world to the two new surprise minimization engines!
Setting calendar alert for 1 jan 2042, to look for further news.
Scott, I have happy tears! Congratulations. You're in for one of the most fantastic parts of being human; and your kids are lucky to have you.
Mazel tov!
My wife is due with our first in 5 weeks. (She’s also still doing consults at the hospital as a resident and working out at the gym, but twin pregnancies are no doubt harder). Can you share some of your top boy names? We are considering: Adam, Eli, Gabriel, and Joshua.
Congratulations!
That's Awesome! Congrats. Having kids changed my life, maybe the best thing I ever did.
Congratulations!
Congratu-freaking-lations! We have a beloved surprisal-minimization agent of our own, also delivered by vacuum assist almost 2 years ago now. It was probably the most horrifying thing I witnessed in an absolutely god awful horror show called labor and delivery (There was a fist sized mushroom on his head! Formed from his own skull! Apparently pretty normal and it went away in due course).
Anyway good luck, sleep when the babies sleep, and remember this one piece of advice, passed on to me by a new dad as it was passed onto him and others before him:
Onesies are designed to be bi-directional, you can pull them on top-down/over the head or bottom-up. Remember this once your beautiful baby inevitably has a massive blowout, take the clothes off from the bottom, and that way you can avoid smearing shit all over their lovely face.
Congrats!
Congratulations! You're about to learn so much.
Congratulations!!!!!!
Congratulations! They're adorable! Although it looks like Kai's hand-demons are winning in that particular picture.
Mazal tov!
Congratulations!
Best wishes Scott, wife, and offsprings! May their journey bring delight.
Are "Kai" and "Lyra" references to anything? I looked around but found nothing noteworthy
Mazel tov!
Wow! Congratulations! What a joyful event, and true to form you turned it into a brilliant and moving essay. For whatever it’s worth I think you’re lucky having twins…yeah it’s rough in the first year or two but then they will always have a playmate and you will benefit from parenting economies of scale.
And it’s all worth it even if they don’t save the world…
Congratulations! They are very lucky
¡Muchas felicidades!
Mazel Tov! My wife and I had our first child, a wonderful baby girl, this fall.
Being a parent is quite the thing. Earth-shattering and common, beautiful and grueling. All I know is, after lots of generations of programming, nothing makes us happier than seeing our baby girl smile at us.
All the best to you and your family.
Mazel tov!
Yes! Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!
So exciting!
Welcome to the club, as it were. Lol, "pro-natalist influencers".
We got ya!!
Mazel tov!!!
Scott, I’m so happy for you! Best wishes to you and your wife and little Kai and Lyra!
Congrats, Scott! I'm so happy for you. Wishing you both the very best, and I hope your little one grows up wonderfully. Happy christmas! <3
I always thought "Chris Moneymaker" was a nickname given after the fact. That's amazing.
Best of luck and congrats
Congrats! Mazel tov!
Congratulations! Wishing your family the best of health and happiness and also some sleep eventually maybe good luck.
Congratulations!
Congratulations!
Congratulations!
As the biological father of 5, born between 1995 and 2020, I have only one word of advice for parenting the early years: babies change suddenly and without warning, and so parents must too. Baby will be perfectly happy with something, until one day they aren't. They will nap every day at a certain time, until they don't. They will be mesmerized by their favorite lullaby, until they hate it. They will want to eat only yogurt, until one day they toss it on the floor. The temptation is always to persist with what was working so well, but just don't. It seems obvious, but in the tired sleepless moment the immediate impulse is keep trying the old ways, and it is simply a waste of precious time. Baby has moved on and the best thing for all parties is for the parents to move on as well.
“ I cannot quite remember why I thought this would be a good idea. I blame the pronatalist influencer conspiracy.” Pretty much Dan Gilbert’s argument in _Stumbling On Happiness_. Evolution builds in self-deception about the joys of parenting and then we lie to each other about it. Helps preserve the species. May you require less self-deception than the average parent!
i have a feeling of quiet dread that we're going to be seeing fewer posts in the future
i can't actually in good conscience feel this dread without also feeling guilty about not being happy for scott
but the dread is there nonetheless
Mazel tov! Wonderful post. Most useful reference book to have around is Baby 411. Best book I’ve read as a (theist) Dad is To Kindle a Soul by Kelemen.
Congratulations, both on the kids and (much much less importantly) on another fine piece of writing. May they grow up to be everything you could have hoped for, and things you never dreamed of.
We're gonna need more gas
Congratulations! <3
Mazal Tov!!!!
Well done both of you! I was (and am) a twin myself.
Glad to hear there were no serious issues.
Most heartfelt congratulations!! I promise: you will sleep again someday.
"I’ll let them get doxxed the usual way - by the NYT the first time they express a problematic opinion." Truly one of your best laugh out loud lines ever!
Congrats! I can't believe I'm about to give parenting advice, but, man, fuck it. For the first couple of years, they change every couple of weeks and they only will change when you and your wife reach a moment in which you think "I cannot tolerate this for even one more day." When that thought enters your minds, the kids will suddenly change. Like magic. And you'll find their new routine/behaviors totally tolerable again...until you don't. Rinse/repeat. Last thing: Never, EVER underestimate the power of the "outdoor reset" ...it's likewise a bit of magic for calming a fussy, frantic baby. It has reminded me over and over again of how animal we are, how much we need to see the sky. You won't believe it works until you try it. Magic. All of it is fleshy, animal, non-cerebral, real-deal magic. I'm so happy for you both!
Congratulations! I'm overjoyed for you!
Wow Scott, congratulations! My wife is due in May!
Congratulations
Alright I gotta ask the parents here, is this a good parent sim?
https://youtu.be/6O9E8xRazTc?si=ciRFJzYQusoGWDz5
As a Jonathan, I second the "don't pick too common a name" approach.
Congrats.
Congratulations!! They are perfect and I was moved to happy tears by this wonderful piece. We have a baby and preschooler, and have truly learned from them what it means when people say "the light of my life".
I'm really excited for your mind to turn (as it undoubtedly will) to some infant/child development thoughts over the coming years, and what interesting insights those thoughts might yield!
May I recommend "The Wonder Weeks" if dozens of people haven't already. As I understand (from a brief search), the science behind this theory is considered flawed, and yet with both our children we have found the book and developmental timeline near-miraculous at explaining their sudden switches from fussiness to happy exploring. Would love your take on this theory especially as you see it play out!
And I can't believe more people aren't congratulating you on having your OWN TWIN STUDY SUBJECTS! Congratulations, twice, and may you make many interesting observations!
This is how I'd want to write to my kids if I had any.
You're doing a great job.
Congratulations to you and your wife!
Congratulations!! They are beautiful.
Congratulations!
Congratulations! December 13 is truly the best day to be born--I know from personal experience. And, from one new father to another: good luck and godspeed.
Congratulations!
Shocked you guys didn't do PGT-P. My wife and I are doing it right now, out of pocket as we have no IVF indication, but we are in our 30's and the dual benefit of banking embryos is nice for reducing time pressure.
Congratulations, and may God bless you and your family!
Integer overflow should happen after 32 hours awake, not 31.
Congratulations!
And thanks for the great piece!
But integer overflow happens at powers of two.
Congratulations, Scott! May your children be healthy and as happy as babies ever get in the new year.
Congratulations Scott ❤️
Mazel tov!
Congrats! You always gotta watch out for the pro-natalist conspiracies trying to get you to hold cups of semen. Did you use any form of embryo selection? What kind?
Mazal tov. May your child rearing journey be as successful as your blogging career!
From the bottom of my heart, congratulations to you and your wife. Holding my son in my arms was the most transformative experience of my life. May the tug of responsibility you feel for them pull you and your wife to the best places.
Many years to you and your family and your little ones Scott!
Congratulations! May your suprisal reduction engines bring you high valence due to suprisal reduction, and be happy and joyful.
And Onan also mad his way into modern Hebrew, where masturbation is called אוננות- “to do like Onan” (like onanism, except it isn’t fancy, just the normal word for it).
First, mazel tov!
Second, as a grandmother of a two-month-old, I cried.
Third, my totally unsolicited advice is it that helps enormously to have a grandmother -- or similar -- around. That's not bragging, my daughter and her husband would tell you the same. If you can split the work three ways, even if not evenly, it makes a world of difference.
Mazal tov a million times!! (Or maybe just two)
Congratulations!
Congratulations Scott! Kids are an unadulterated joy on tap, and am so glad you're on the journey.
Mazel-F'ing-Tov !!! x2
Beautiful. Thank you for writing this.
Welcome to parenthood to you both.
Your kids are three days younger than mine. Have they started doing the thing where they sound like asthmatic wood pigeons yet? I'm currently in the position where every medical professional is telling me, "That's fine, it's perfectly normal," and ten thousand years of evolution is screaming, "NOT TRUE YOUR BABY IS DYING OVER THERE" and it's a bit of a headfuck.
Edit: and well done, obv.
Big congrats to Scott and his family!
Congratulations Scott and family!!
Congratulations!
Congratulations!
CONGRATULATIONS! May God grant them many years!
<3
Congratulations!
Congratulations! Fatherhood is a wonderful adventure. May many happy years follow!
Congrats, Scott. I am sure you will make a great parent.
How will you decide which one you will raise religiously Jewish, and which one will be raised an EA non-believer? Hopefully, both will have a love of poetry.
Congratulations!
Twins are hard mode. Be willing to accept help!
- After 2-6 months, you will feel why the pronatalist conspiracy works.
Congratulations!! Beautiful.
Great writeup, and congrats from a two-time father. (Though not simultaneously, woof.) You'll have moments of aggravation, frustration, despair, even rage -- but I'll betcha you never regret this for a second.
Congratulations!
This is the best thing I have ever read. You've captured so much of the experience to parenthood in such eloquent prose. Congratulations on your beautiful babies!
Mazel tov!!!
In the long run, only about half (?) of you are Dad. I am Mom.
This was a classic Scott piece which merged a cerebral analysis of a common life situation through data to a very moving conclusion. I'll join the others in saying congratulations! How far your life has come since I started reading you almost a decade ago.
Congratulations and good luck!
Congratulations!
omg happy healthy everything! conrats x 2 x2 x2 x2 x ........
Congrats!